Grief
by Daisy60
Summary: Letter G, Castle's half of the alphabet. Quick and intense about Beckett's way of dealing with her feelings, Castle well... is just Castle. Enjoy the reading and Happy 2012 to everyone.


**Happy New Year to everyone. I'd like to start 2012 with some quick shots on Castle (I know I've dedicated more time to Bones but I'm just following my inspiration as I dance from one amazing couple to another) This one is set some time at the end of season 3, you know quite well which ep I'm referring to. Kind of AU and intense about Beckett's way of handling her emotions. Castle, well, is just Castle so cheer up the end is... read to find out.**

**A/N: I do not own any of this characters but I do love to write about them.**

**GRIEF**

Castle looked at his watch and sighed. One hour. He had been standing in front of her door deciding whether he should knock or not. She had fled the captain's office like a fury, grabbing her jacket and heading for the elevator.

"Kate."

She had turned.. And though she had smiled she couldn't hide the pain and the anger from him.

"Castle please... I just need to be alone."

She was definitely not ok. He knew her too well to simply let her go.

Suddenly he heard a sob from the other side of the door. He knocked.

She didn't answer.

He knocked again.

Another sob, almost muffled this time.

"Kate? Open the door."

All was silent again.

"Kate, I know you're there... open up … please."

"Go home Castle." she begged.

"I can't go home, Kate. Please let me in."

Two interminably long minutes went by. Then he heard her unlock the door.

"Hey." he said in a soft low tone.

"Hey." she replied taking her gaze away from him. She had cried, a lot. Her eyes were red and still filled with tears, her make up had melted and smeared on her face.

"May I?" he inquired nodding at her living room.

"Sure." she replied letting him into her apartment.

"You shouldn't have come Castle."

"Kate..."

"Really, I'm fine!"

"No, you're _not_. And it shows."

She glanced at him, her eyes had turned to a darker shade of green. He had never seen her eyes like that before. They spoke of sadness, of how much she was grieving, how torn apart she was. His heart ached for her and he swallowed hard to hold back his own tears.

"You cannot blame yourself Kate."

"I do!" - She replied holding his gaze for the first time. - "I do blame myself, he would never _ever_ have left if hadn't arrested him."

"He made his choice a long time ago as you made yours."

She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"You know nothing about our choices." - She said fiercely. - "He was my friend Castle."

"He was much more than that..." he stated.

She lowered her face and blushed realizing for the first time how difficult it was for him to talk about someone from her past, someone who had been so close to her and not just professionally.

"What you said before on the phone... that you were in love with him..."

"I meant it" - she confessed knowing she had to be honest towards him – "but that was a long time ago."

Silence fell between them. He sat on the couch facing her, leaving her time to process her thoughts.

"Do you still want me to go?" he asked.

"Stay... please." she replied digging her sad eyes into his.

"Come." he said reaching out for her.

She was hesitant at first. She was afraid of sharing her feelings with someone. Over the years, since her mother's death, she had learned to deal with her own grief by herself. Building walls around her heart no one could ever climb. With him it was different. He had started to dismantle those walls, brick after brick. Sometimes when he placed his incredibly blue eyes into hers she felt almost naked, totally defenseless before him. She moved towards him and placed her hand in his. His hold felt so warm and reassuring. He pulled her close, letting her sit beside him.

"You don't have to go through this alone... you are not alone..." he said gently rubbing her knuckles sensing the tension she was holding back. Not anymore." he whispered.

She raised her head and noticed how wide his pupils were.

"I … care for you Kate... let me help you...open up your heart and tell me what you need..."

How could she tell him what she felt, what she desperately needed from him. Not now, not so soon. But she didn't want to be alone, not tonight.

"Just... hold me Castle." she begged tears welling up again.

He opened his strong arms and gently pulled her to his chest. He felt her tears soak his shirt and reach his skin. Then she started to throb, slowly at first then uncontrollably.

"Let it all out Kate, free yourself. I'm right here..."

He leaned backwards to better accommodate her letting her relax on his chest. She grabbed him unable to prevent the frantic, almost desperate, shaking of her body. He rubbed his hands on her throbbing back, placing soft kisses on her head, whispering soothing words in her ear. He felt his heart swell for her, he wanted to reveal just how much he loved her, how she had become his everything no matter how thoughtlessly they had both acted toward each other. But this was not the right time. All he could do was hold her still in his strong embrace and let her consume her sorrow. She felt the warmth of his skin through his now drenched shirt. Somehow the contact with the damp cotton made her feel closer to him. She let herself go completely and felt light in his arms. His regular heart beat was so comforting it eventually lulled her to sleep.

Beckett woke up with a large smile on her face. She felt so relaxed and her bed felt so soft. She opened her eyes and moved her hand on his stomach. She stilled noticing her hand was lying on his bare skin. She raised her head and met his eyes.

"Morning" he said.

"Castle! We are...?"

"In your bed."

"And I am... you are...?"

"We are not naked Beckett. I had to remove your T and my shirt... you cried so much. You were exhausted, I couldn't leave you on the couch like that... so I took you here... decided to change you into something comfy..."

"I don't remember... did we...?" feeling like a fool as she asked him that.

"We didn't... but you _did _beg me to hold you when I was removing your shirt, Katherine Beckett."

"I did?" She blushed.

He nodded "You were so...cute... how could I say no?" he said giving her one of his famous ruggedly handsome Castle's smiles. "So... pancakes?"

**A/N: still warming up before I switch to some more elaborate stories. Till the next one...**


End file.
